KURIUO KELIU PASUKTI?

Aleksandras Žarskus IŠ DANGAUS NUSILEIDAU | 25. Sau, 2010 visokybes | 322 Komentarų


IŠ dangaus nusileidau

Su sidabro virvužėmis.

Mielos Maros glėbin.

Motušėlės skreitužin.

/Latvių tautosaka/

Naujos gyvybės pradžia yra kryžkelė, panašiai kaip pasakose, kur herojus renkasi, kuriuo keliu eiti: pasuksi į kairę — pateksi j didelį vargą ir bėdas, pasuksi j dešinę — gyvensi laimingai. Kas pasako ar pasakys jauniems žmonėms, kuriuo keliu pasukti? Ar mūsų duodami įprasti patarimai tinkami? Kiek daug motinų nelaimių keliu nukreipia jau vien tas klausimas: „Ar gimdysite?”, kurį taip dažnai jos išgirsta gydymo įstaigose. Šioje kryžkelėje labai svarbu ne tik gili nuojauta, bet ir sąmoningas žinojimas.

55-ių metų moteris papasakojo apie save ir šeimą.

Pagimdžiau du vaikus — dukrą ir sūnų. Dukra ištekėjo ir susilaukė trijų vaikų, o sūnus, 18 metų gyvenęs santuokoje, neturėjo vaikų, Jaumiausias dukros sūnus susirgo vėžiu. Gydymas nepadėjo. Netekusi vilties nuvažiavau į Skaistakalnį pas žmogų, vadinama žiniuoniu. Jis man pasakė: Už tavo nepagimdytus vaikus sūnus neturi vaikų, o dukters vaikai serga. Atgailauk, užprašyk šv. Mišias už visus nepagimdytus ir sukalbėk 1000 “Sveika Marija”. Užprašiau šv. Mišias ir, kur beeidama ar ką bedirbdama, atgailaudama kalbėjau “Sveika Marija “. Praėjo trys mėnesiai, ir mano marti pastojo po 18 metų nevaisingumo, kurio priežasčių gydytojai nesuprato. Gimė sveikas kūdikis. Pasveiko ir dukters vaikas.

Kodėl tėvai neretai renkasi gyvybės atstūmimo kelią? Svarbiausioji priežastis — tai mūsų racionalus mąstymas, mąstymas be širdies ir jo suformuota materialistinė pasaulėvoka, kuri teigia, jog ką tik pradėta gyvybė ne žmogus, o tik ląstelių gumulėlis. Taip buvo prieš dešimt metų ir anksčiau, kai visi išsilavinę žmonės tuo tikėjo. Tačiau dabar, kai embrionologai aiškiai įrodė, kad nėra kokybinio skirtumo tarp ką tik pradėto ir suaugusio žmogaus, pasaulėžiūros faktorius tampa vis mažiau reikšmingas. Nepaisant to, vis tik mes dažnai renkamės mirties kelią. Priežastys labai buitiškos ir žemiškos. Lietuvoje galbūt dažniausiai pasiteisinama sunkia buitimi. Štai viena moteris rašo: “Kam gimdyti ubagus, jei tėvai sąžiningai per gyvenimą dirbdami nežino, ar užsidirbs sau bent vieno kambario butą. (…) Labai norėčiau dar bent vieną vaiką turėti, tačiau turbūt dar ilgai reikės lakstyti į moterų konsultaciją ir atsikratyti negimusių vaikų, nes jie šiais laikais yra prabanga” (“Kauno diena”, 1994, Nr. 296).

Reikia pripažinti, kad regimoji gyvenimo pusė yra tokia, tačiau ji priklauso nuo neregimosios. Tai, kas neregima, tampa regima — toks yra viso to, kas medžiagiška, atsiradimo dėsningumas. Dvasinis nėštumas galioja ne tik kūdikiui, bet ir jo gyvenimo sąlygoms. Tai reiškia, kad kiekvienas gimstantis vaikas atsineša savo dalį ir gyvenimo sąlygas. Šis dėsningumas pasitvirtina praktikoje ir yra išreikštas patarlėje: “Davė Dievas dantis, duos ir duonos”, tik mums dažnai atrodo, kad mes patys viskuo apsirūpiname.

Antrasis mus apdovanojo

Kai ruošėmės turėti antrąjį vaikutį, tebegyvenom 11 m2 bendrabučio kambarėlyje ir neturėjom jokių iliuzijų didesniam plotui. Tėvelis dirbo kuklų darbą ir dar papildomai, kad galėtume pragyventi. Visi mus laikė nelabai protingais, o mums atrodė, kad sūneliui trūksta draugo. Jau gimus antrajam, kai ligoninėj moteriškės stebėjosi mūsų “narsumu”, kad tokiomis sąlygomis ryžomės antrajam, joms atsakiau, kad dabar yra mano laikas. Gal po 10—20 metų mes turėsim ir didelį butą bei kalną pinigų, bet vaikų jau nebegalėsiu turėti.

O vėliau tėčiui staiga pasiūlė gerai apmokamą darbą, darbe davė paskolą ir mes nusipirkome butą, o bendrabučio kambarį, kurį leido privatizuoti, iškeitėm į mašiną. Nenoriu pasigirti praturtėjusi, o tik parodyti, kaip staiga viskas pasipylė tarsi iš gausybės rago. Ir draugams, kai pritrūksta argumentų dėl “sąlygų” sakome, kad tai mažylis mums atnešė geresnes gyvenimo sąlygas, tik jam turime būti dėkingi. Žinoma, giliau už to slepiasi Dievas ir tai, kad mes neprieštaravome Jo planui.

Buvusi tremtinė pasakojo, jog pastojusi šeštąjį kartą pasimetė ir suabejojo. Jau virš 40-ies metų, išsekusi, blogos sąlygos, turbūt reikia atsikratyti. Tačiau vidinė nuojauta kuždėjo: “Neatsisakyk jo, su juo patirsi didžiausią laimę. Taip ir buvo.

Trečiasis vaikelis atnešė laimę

Draugė jau turėjo du mažus sūnelius, kai sužinojo besilaukianti trečiojo. Po skausmingų abejonių ji paskambino man ir prašė, kad pabūčiau pusdienį su mažuoju jos sūneliu, kol bus atliktas abortas. Pagalvojau, jog reikia padaryti viską, kad taip neatsitiktų.

Su ta intencija ėjau į Aušros Vartus ir tada atvykau pas draugę. Tikrai jos padėtis nelengva, išsekus nuo pastovaus rūpinimosi vaikeliais. Pati labai pergyvena, kad nuo pervargimo kartais praranda pusiausvyra ir nesugeba pakankamai pasiaukoti, parodyti užtektinai dėmesio mažyliams. Dar prie visų rūpesčių prisideda kartu su ja gyvenanti ir dažnokai gerianti mama. Viena pagrindinių nuogąstavimo priežasčių — ar gimus trečiam vaikeliui atlaikys visą naštą, ar sugebės pakankamai visais pasirūpinti, ar pakaks jėgų. Įvairiais gyvenimo pavyzdžiais stiprinau draugę. mėgindama parodyti, kad Dievo valios priėmimas viską pakeičia į gera. Nors tą vakarą klausimas dar liko atviras, bet netrukus sužinojau, kad tas pokalbis vis tik nulėmė.

Nėštumas praėjo sklandžiai. A tėjus gimdymo laikui, draugė išvažiavo į ligoninę. Naktį susapnavau labai ryškų sapną, kad besilaukianti pagimdė mielą mergytę. Pabudus ryte skambinau į ligoninę ir sužinojau, kadis tiesų gimė mergytė.

Šiuo metu dukrytė auga linksmutė ir sveikutė, o pati (dabarjau trijų vaikų) mama sako, jog net neįsivaizdavo, kad gimus mažytei ji bus tokia laiminga.

Dar viena abortų priežastis, kuria kartais piktnaudžiaujama, — tai vadinamosios nėštumo kontraindikacijos, t.y. tam tikrų kūno organų sutrikimai dėl kurių, atseit, negalima gimdyti. Nesigilinsime iš kur Lietuvoje atsirado toks nepagrįstas požiūris, kad nėštumas, kuris yra natūralus fiziologinis procesas, galėtų kam nors kenkti. Kai kas iš tikro išsigąsta vadinamųjų kontraindikacijų, bet neretai jomis tiesiog pateisinami abortai. Tačiau yra ir kitaip mąstančių gydytojų. Štai terapeutės pasakojimas.

Pasitikėkime Gyvenimu

Dažnai tenka konsultuoti besilaukiančias moteris. Labai nemalonūs ginekologų įrašailigos istorijose terapeutui: “Ar gali moteris gimdyti?”, “Ar nėra kontraindikacijų nėštumui?” ir panašūs. Aš kiekvieną kartą pasijuntu keblioje padėtyje. Kodėl taip klausiama? Nejaugi galėčiau būti ta teisėja, kuri galėtų tarti: “taip” arba “ne”. Suprantu, kad ištarus “ne”, ta moteris bus visaip atkalbinėjama gimdyti ir galų gale jai bus atliktas abortas. Taip bus nužudytas bejėgis, dar šio pasaulio nespėjęs išvysti žmogus. Tai mane priblokšdavo. Kadangi mirties nuosprendžio niekad nedrįsau rašyti, buvau nemėgiama konsultantė. Dar sunkiau būdavo nuėjus pas moterį, kurią rasdavau jau iš anksto įbaugintą, kad dėl savo ligos negalėsianti gimdyti. Vienas pavykdavo lengvai nuraminti, kitos jau nenorėjo niekuo tikėti, trečios pačios prašydavo padrąsinančio žodžio. Tada ir pradėjau ieškoti pavyzdžių tarp tų pačių ligonių. Ir jų nestigo.

Štai keletas.

Moteris apie 10 metų serga sunkia bronchine astma. Liga paūmėja po kelis kartus per metus. Paūmėjimų metu sunkūs dusulio priepuoliai vargina iki 10 ir daugiau kartų per parą. Ligonė dėl to dažnai gydosi reanimaciniame skyriuje. Liga vis sunkėja. Per metus moteris daugiau laiko praleidžia ligoninėse, nei namuose… Pasijunta besilaukianti. Gydytojai visaip atkalbinėja nuo gimdymo, gąsdina, kad kūdikis gims nesveikas, ar nuo hipoksijos gims negyvas. Moteris nekreipia dėmesio į gydytojų raginimus, nustoja pas juos ėjus… Pati susiranda patikimą gydytoją. Jai gimsta sveikas berniukas. Nėštumo metu irt kol maitino kūdikį krūtimi sunki dusulio liga visai pasitraukė nuo motinos. Tą laiką ji praleido laiminga su kūdikiu namuose.

Kita moteris nuo vaikystės serga insktų liga. Dėl to jai buvo pašalintas vienas inkstas. Išteka, nori susilaukti kūdikio. Moteris tvirtai ryžtasi ir nepaiso gydytojų gąsdinimų. Nėštumo metu ir po jo jaučiasi gerai. Pagimdo sveiką berniuką.

Moteris 31 metų amžiaus. Augina du vaikučius: berniuką ir mergaitę. Pajunta po širdimi esant trečiąjį… Gydytojai dėl pažengusios širdies ydos liepa nutraukti nėštumą. Moteris atsisako. Pagimdo sveiką berniuką.

Moteris 48 metų amžiaus. Augina 4 vaikus. Iš vaikystės deformuota krūtinės ląsta, serga lėtiniu bronchitu, dažni plaučių uždegimai, dėl ko toli pažengęs plaučių nepakankamumas. Gydytojai draudžia gimdyti penktąjį. Moteris nepaklūsta ir pagimdo mergaitę.

Aš pati susirgau inkstų liga. Paskutinius metus prieš trečiąjį nėštumą ligos paūmėjimai vargindavo kas mėnesį. Besilaukiant trečiojo vaikelio ir kol jį metus laiko maitinau krūtimi, jaučiausi labui gerai. Nebuvo jokių pakitimų ir šlapimo tyrimuose.

Nuodugniau panagrinėjus priežastis, dėl kurių daromi abortai, tarp jų nerasime nei vienos, kuri mus visiškai išteisintų. Iš dalies galima pateisinti žmogišku silpnumu, nepasitikėjimu Dievu ar pan., tačiau poabortinio sindromo pasekmės rodo, kad to nepakanka, kad išteisintume save. Atleisti sau, kaip matysime vėliau, yra sunkiausia. Taigi, žemiškojo gyvenimo pradžia kiekvienai ateinančiai gyvybei yra kryžkelė. Tačiau kelią, kuriuo ji eis toliau, parenka dažniausiai nesąmoningai ją pakvietę tėvai. Ateinantiems belieka tik prašyti:

Vyrai ir moterys, dabar gyvenantys žemėje,

Jūs mūsų kūrėjai!

Mes, dar nepradėtieji, maldaujame jūsų:

Išsaugokite žemėje tikrą duoną —

Mūsų būsimo kūno augintoją,

Išsaugokite žemėje švarų vandenį, —

Maitinsiantį mūsų būsimą kraują,

Išsaugokite žemėje švarų orą, —

Kad kiekvienas įkvėpimas būtų mums glamonė.

Vyrai ir moterys, dabar gyvenantys žemėje,

Jūs mūsų kūrėjai!

Mes, dar nepradėtieji, maldaujame jūsų:

Nelaikykite savyje pykčio ir baimės,

Nes pyktis ir baimė persmelks mūsų būsimas smegenis.

Nenuodykite mūsų prievartos ir niekšybės nuodais,

Nes ligos ir nedorybės persunks mūsų kūnus.

Geriau palikite mus ten, kur esame,

Bet nekvieskite mūsų į kenčiančios ir save naikinančios žmonijos

pasaulį.

Vyrai ir moterys, dabar gyvenantys žemėje, Jus mūsų kūrėjai!

Mes, dar nepradėtieji, maldaujame jūsų:

Jei jūs pasiruošę mylėti ir būti mylimi,

Pakvieskite mus į šią žemę,

pilną įvairiausių stebuklų, ir tada mes gimsime —

Kad mylėtume ir būtume mylimi.

/Laura Haksli ir Pjero Feruči. Nepradėtųjų malda/

Jeigu tėvai pasirenka gyvybės kelią ir su meile priima naują gyvybę, jų gyvenimas nuostabiai pasikeičia. Bet ne staiga. Iš pradžių būna prisitaikymo tarpsnis. Tuo metu atsiranda įvairių pojūčių, pvz., svaigsta galva, greitai keičiasi nuotaika ir pan. Taip esti ne tik motinai, bet neretai ir tėvui, tik vyrai paprastai nesupranta tų pokyčių priežasties. Gilus vyriškas gyvybės slėpinių ir užsimezgančių ryšių pajautimas atsispindi žodžiuose, kuriais filmo herojus atsako merginai j prašymą pabūti jos vaiko tėvu tik pradėjimo momentu: „Aš negaliu dalyvauti tokiame stebukle ir po to kaip niekur nieko pasišalinti”.

Vėliau tėvai, rūpindamiesi jų globai paliktu kūdikiu, patiria nuostabių dalykų, nes iš Dievo rankų atėjusi gyvybė sustiprina ryšį su Aukščiausiuoju Kūrėju, o jų dvasia pasipildo nauju gyvybingumu. “Šventoji Dvasia nužengs ant tavęs ir Aukščiausiojo galybė pridengs tave savo šešėliu” (Lk 1,35), — šie apsireiškimo metu Marijai pasakyti Arkangclo Gabrielio žodžiai iš dalies tinka kiekvienai motinai. Ne veltui nuo senovės naujos gyvybės atėjimas buvo palaima visai šeimai. Viena Pietryčių Azijos gentis nėščiajai pavadinti du kartus kartoja žodį “laimė”. Taigi nėščioji, kuri vadinama “laimė-laimė”, jų kultūroje reiškia dvigubą laimę.

Kai kūdikis priimamas su meile, šeimoje dažnai išnyksta ligos, susitvarko asmeniniai rūpesčiai. Abu, o ypač tėvas, pajunta kūrybinį proveržį. Kai kurie pradeda piešti, kurti eilėraščius, jiems geriau sekasi darbas. Tėvai dėl gyvybinės energijos antplūdžio tarsi iš naujo atranda save. Jeigu yra geras ryšys, laukiamas kūdikis taip stipriai veikia tėvus, kad tiesiog tampa jų mokytoju.

Keturių vaikų mama pasakojo, jog jos ketvirtasis nėštumas buvo kitoks. Jo metu atsirado didelis potraukis maldai.

Niekada gyvenime melstis nenorėjau ir į bažnyčių nevaikščiodavau, nes nebuvau net prie pirmos Komunijos privesta. Gyvenom be santuokos sakramento ir visai nemokėjau poterių. Pradėjau melstis savais žodžiais. Šeštame nėštumo mėnesyje kilo noras susituokti bažnyčioje. Su vyru pasirengėme išpažinčiai ir pirmajai Komunijai, išmokome poterius, katekizmą ir netrukus susituokėme bažnyčioje. Visą nėštumo laikotarpį buvo didelis noras melstis. Mclsdavausi ryte ir dieną vaikščiodama po laukus, ir vakare. Jaučiau norą melstis i Mariją, nes, matyt, Marija saugo nėščią moterį. Prieš gimdymą norėjau pabūti viena ir keletą savaičių gyvenau viena, gamtoje. Tada buvo didelis potraukis bendrauti su gamta ir gilus jos pajautimas.

Štai kaip Laima ir Gintautas apibendrina savo vargus, džiaugsmus ir atradimus, kuriuos jie patyrė sąmoningai priimdami naujų gyvybę:

Gintautas. Kiekvienas vaikas kitaip ateina į pasaulį. Kitoks jo pradėjimas, kitaip jis būna įsčiose ir kitaip auga. Pirmąjį kūdikipirmiausia pajutau aš, tarsi kažkokią pas mus atėjusią šviesą, o kitus pirmoji pajuto Laima. Ir mūsų meilė kiekvienam vaikui tarsi kitokia, nors ir atrodo. kad mylime visus vienodai. Kai laukėme pirmojo, buvo daugiausia džiaugsmo ir pakilios nuotaikos. Antrojo jau laukėme ramiau ir su patirtimi. O trečiasis, kurio mes sulaukėme po netekties (persileidimo), buvo tarsi Dievo dovana ir jo laukimas buvo panašesnis į pirmojo. Aš pats visus vaikus priėmiau ir priglaudžiau prie savęs (Laima ir Gintautas visų savo vaikų sulaukė savo namuose ir br gydytojų pagalbos).

Laima. Mūsų vidurinysis vaikas labiausiai reikalauja meilės, tiesiog kūniško sąlyčio. Pirmąjį maitinau iki 16 mėn., kol pienas dingo pats savaime. Nujunkimas buvo švelnus, kad jis net nepastebėjo. O antrajam nujunkymas buvo staigus, nes jau laukėmės trečiojo, las nutraukimas jam buvo per anksti ir per staigus. Su trečiuoju vaiku nenorėčiau, kad taip būtų.

Pastebėjau, jog vaikainenori ‘derintis prie mūsų planavimo. Jie ateina tada, kai jiems reikia. Bent taip bu vo mūsų šeimoje.

Gintautas. Vaikai moko tėvus. Vaikai pasako, ko jiems reikia. Tėvams tenka išmokti būti jautresniems ir suprasti vaikus. Atrodė, jog auginant antrąjį vaiką jau viską žinosi ir bus lengviau su juo, tačiau antrasis viską daro truputį kitaip ir tenka priėjo prisitaikyti.

Laukdami pirmojo, bendra vome su maskviečiais iš klubo “Sveika šeima”. Klube buvo kalbama, jog vaikas moko tėvus. Tada, neturėdamas patirties, paprieštaravau: “Kaip tai, juk tėvai gali numatyti, jie žino kaip, nes perskaitė nemažai literatūros”. Vėlesnė patirtis parodė, kad vaikas dažnai suardo tavo susidarytą schemą. Tačiau, kad vaikas galėtų sulaužyti tavo nuostatas ar pažiūras reikia jautrumo, atidumo ir ypač meilės. Ne visada pasiseka pajausti vaiko norus iškarto. Pasitaikydavo ir klaidų. Toks supratimas atsiranda pamažu.

Laima. Ligoninėje, nors aš pati joje negimdžiau, ten tarsi konvejeris ir daug kas praranda natūralumą ir žavesį. Dar didesnis skirtumas buvo, kai jau buvome nebe dviese, ir laukėme visa šeima. Tada gimusį kūdikį sveikiname ne tik mes su vyru, bet ir anksčiau gimę vaikai. Visi mūsų kūdikiai gimė naktį, kai vaikai jau miegodavo. Tačiau, gimus kūdikiui, jie prabusda vo ir ateidavo pasveikinti gimusiojo.

Pirmąjį kūdikėlį Gintautui teko tarsi “pamaitinti”. Aš buvau dar nepasiruošusi, o kūdikis žvalus ir prisiglaudęs prie Gintauto krūtinės bandė ją čiulpti. Toks stiprus buvo jo čiulpimo refleksas.

Gintautas. Vaikai iš veido nors ir panašūs, tačiau jų charakteriai labai skirtingi. Ir kiekvienas gimdymas buvo kitoks.

Laima. Sunkiausias buvo antras gimdymas. Šiek tiek prisibijojau ir todėl nesugebėjau visiškai atsiduoti gimdymui. O pirmas ir trečias buvo džiaugsmingi. Labai svarbu pasitikėjimas. Antrąjį gimdant man šiek tiek trūko pasitikėjimo, kad galėtum tapti kaip stichija.

Gintautas. Po pirmo vaiko atrodei sau, jog esi labai žymus ir gerai viską atlikęs, nes gimdėme namuose. Buvo daug pakilios nuotaikos ir netgi puikybės. Nuo tos puikybės pagydo sekantys vaikai. Pastebėjau, kad po pirmo vaiko tie, kurie gimdė namuose, daug kalba, didžiuojasi, eina į viešumą, atrodo daug žinantys ir patyrę. Tas pats buvo ir mums. Dabar mes jau visai nebelyginame vienų vaikų su kitais. Po pirmojo buvo kitaip. Vis norėdavome, kad jis greičiau pradėtų šliaužioti, vaikščioti, kalbėti ar ką nors daryti. Taip daryti ne tik nereikia, bet ir negerai. Kiekvienas vaikas vystosi savaip pagal savo vidinę programą ir kai ateina laikas jis viską pradeda daryti. Vaiką reikia priimti tokį, koks jis yra ir nereikia jam kelti kažkokių reikalavimų ar ko nors iš jo norėti. Tačiau toks supratimas ateina tik su antru ar su trečiu vaiku. Po pirmojo kūdikio tokio supratimo dar nebuvo.

Laima. Vaikų gimdymas ir bendravimas su jais gyvina tikėjimą. Su kiekvienu vaiku tampu vis labiau tikinti ir pasitikinti Dievu. Paskutinis gimdymas buvo pats šviesiausias, nes aš jau visiškai pasitikėjau Dievu. Kai prasidėjo stangos aš jaučiau ne tiek skausmą, kiek palaimą. Skausmo aš nebijojau. Ryškiausiai skausmą jutau gimdydama antrąjį, o trečio gimdymo metu skausmas man buvo visai nereikšmingas. Aš daugiau jaučiau šviesą, ir skausmas perėjo Į palaimą. Po gimdymo apėmė didelis dėkingumas ir meilės jausmas. Atrodė viskas taip gerai, šviesu ir tokia meilė visiems žmonėms, kad galėtum visus išbučiuoti.

Gintautas. Ligoninė ar gimdymo namai yra tokie nemieli dar ir todėl, kad ten ne tik gimsta nauja gyvybė, bet ten ir žudoma. Argi gali būti geras tokiuose namuose dvasinis laukas? Tas pats asmuo žudo negimusią gyvybę ir priima gimdymą. Taip ten viskas nužmoginama. Ir svarbiausia, kad gydytojai į gyvybę žiūri profesionaliai. Jie nepriima gyvybės kaip Dievo dovanos, bet dirba kaip profesionalai. O profesionalas gali padaryti labai daug gero, bet nemažai ir blogo.

Su kiekvienu Dievo dovanotu vaikeliu, — pasakojo jauna mama, – mūsų namuose meilės tarsi padaugėdavo. Visąlaik jutau, kad tą meilę ir šilumą skleidė tas gležnas kūdikėlis, kuris atrodo bejėgis ir nieko nesuprantąs, bet galingesnis už mus, suaugusius, kurie norim būti geresni, bet jau ne visada įstengiam. Iš jo sklindanti ramybė didina mūsų pasitikėjimą Gyvenimu ir Dievo apvaizda.

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Uždariau širdį

Pradėjau rašyti eiles, ir neblogas. Lengvai jos rašėsi, liejosi kaip daina. Vėliau įsidėjau į įsčias spiralę, nes nebenorėjau gimdyti ir nustebusi pamačiau, kad nebegaliu rašyti eilėraščių: jų tiesiog nebėra. Nebėra nei noro, nei įkvėpimo. Tada nesupratau, kodėl. Tik vėliau suvokiau, kad įsidėdama spiralę aš atstūmiau meilę, atstūmiau jausmus ir uždariau širdį.

Taigi nugalėjo, kaip mes sakome, “sveikas” protas. Ir žmogus tampa sausas, racionalus, šaltai apskaičiuojantis, bet be spontaniškumo, be kūrybinės ugnelės. O tai yra pasipriešinimas gyvenimui, kuris, švelniai tariant, neprideda džiaugsmo.

Tik pasitikėdami Dievu ir savimi galėsime atsiliepti j gyvybės kvietimą, išplaukintį iš mūsų pačių, bet dabar didžia dalimi prarasta. Keista, tačiau dauguma tėvų tą pasitikėjimą gali susigrąžinti tik per vaikus, nes vaikai atvirai jį išreiškia. Mes esame dvigubai surišti. Tik per pasitikėjimą mes galime tinkamai atsiliepti j gyvybės kvietimą ir tik pasitikėdami galime priimti ir auginti Dievo duodamus vaikus ir tik priimdami juos galime susigrąžinti pasitikėjimą Gyvenimu ir Dievo apvaizda.

O jeigu tėvai renkasi antrąjį — gyvybės atstūmimo, nelaimių ir mirties kelią? Po aborto kūdikio siela negali grįžti ten, iš kur atėjo, nes Dievas ją jau yra perdavęs tėvų globai. Ji tarsi pakimba tarp dangaus ir žemės ir kenčia. Ją traukia žemiškasis gyvenimas — ji nori mylėti ir gyventi, bet negali, nes tėvai ją atstūmė nesuteikdami jai žemiškojo rūbo — kūno. Aborto metu atimdami iš sielos kūną, padarome ją nei gyvą, nei mirusią. Ji, vaizdžiai tariant, patenka į pragarus, nes, neleisdami jai ateiti, kartu stabdome tolesnį jos vystymąsi ir sujaukiame sąmonėjimą.

O kas nutinka tėvams? Abortas keičia ir jų likimus. Už pažeistus gyvybės dėsningumus anksčiau ar vėliau ateina atpildas, kurio priežasties dažniausiai nesuvokiame. Atpildas už gyvybės paniekinimą arba apskritai tai, ką mes vadiname Dievo bausme, nėra teismo mums skirta bausmė, o natūrali mūsų veiksmų pasekmė. Jeigu mes dar nesame sąmoningi, tai kartu su psalmininku turėtume sakyti: „Man gera, kad esu užgautas, kad išmokčiau tavo įstatymus” (Ps 118, 71). Dievo įstatymai, priešingai žmonių įstatymams, kuriuos mes dažnai keičiame savo naudai norėdami save pateisinti, yra nekeičiami. Todėl Dievo bausmė kyla iš meilės mums, kad visiškai nepražūtume. Jokia yra Dievo nustatyta tvarka, tokie pasaulio ir gyvybės reiškimosi dėsningumai. Su atstumtąja gyvybe nematomais energetiniais ir dvasiniais ryšiais jau buvome susieti keletą metų. Taigi toji gyvybė yra dalis mūsų pačių. Argi gali neskaudėti, jeigu naikiname palys save? Visą gyvybę siejantys ryšiai ypač stiprūs tarp šeimos ir giminės narių.

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