Šiuolaikinis individualizuotas žmogus suvokia šeimą kaip kažką išoriško, kaip dalį aplinkos, kurioje jam reikia kurti savo gyvenimą. Kyla analogijos su kompanija, kurios narių interesai sutampa, su kolektyvu, kuriame jis dirba, su valstybe, pagal kurios įstatymus jis gyvena.
O juk šeima kokybiškai skiriasi nuo kitų bendrijų. Ji yra ne tiek išoriškas darinys, kiek vidinė žmogaus organizacija. Tai, kokia yra šeima, fiksuojama pirmiausiai ne valstybiniuose aktuose ir ne šeimyniniuose albumuose, bet mūsų širdyje, sieloje. Galima viodujai nusišalinti ir nuo darbo, kurį tenka dirbti, ir nuo valstybės, kurioje tenka gyventi, ir tuo pat metu likti savimi, bet nusišalinti nuo šeimos, nepervertus kažko savo sieloje, neįmanoma. Žmogaus esmė, jo saviindetifikacija, jo vidinis pavidalas yra susijęs su šeima pačiuose giliausiuose žmogiškosios psichikos sluoksniuose, jos pamatuose.
Šito dažnai nesupranta. Dar daugiau, šiuolaikinėje visuomenėje kultivuojama visa tai, kas vienaip ar kitaip griauna šeimą. Galima kalbėti ir apie tai, kad sąmoningai einama link šeimos kaip kažkokio kultūriškai socialinio atavizmo sunaikinimo. Galų gale tai prives iki žmogaus saviidentifikacijos sugriovimo – žmogus nustos būti žmogumi. O kas jis bus, tūnodamas savo buvusios asmenybės griuvėsiuose – tai jau ne taip svarbu. Bet kokiu atveju, tas ant griuvėsių išdygęs daigas bus nuodingas. Griaudamas šeimą, žmogus visų pirma didžiuliais žingsniais skuba į mirtį – pirmiausiai į dvasinę, o paskui ir į fizinę.
Pabandykim išanalizuoti šiuos procesus
šeima iš esmės yra pagrindinis bendruomenės organizacijos būdas. Artimiausi giminaičiai visada laikėsi kartu. Šeimos galva atlikdavo politines funkcijas (taip mes šį dalyką vadiname dabar. Tam laikotarpiui buvo natūralu, kad bet kokia valdžia buvo siejama su vyresniškumu giminėje). Žmonių daugėjo, populiacija augo. Pakankamai greitai, per kelias kartas, šeima galėjo išaugti į gentį ar net tautą. O tai reikalavo jau sudėtingesnės, mažiausiai dviejų lygių bendruomenės struktūros. Žmogus, jausdamasis tautos dalimi, turėjo ir artimesnę aplinką – pačius artimiausius giminaičius, žmoną, vaikus, t.y. vėlgi šeimą.
kartais bendruomenė mėgino dialektiškai pašalinti prieštaravimus, kylančius tarp šeimos ir tautos. Pavyzdžiui, Izraelyje socialinės (politinės) funkcijos buvo priskirtos įvairioms giminėms (genealoginio medžio šakoms): Levio giminė – šventikai, Dovydo giminė – karaliai. Tačiau išsaugoti (ar atkurti) šeimyniškumo pojūtį nepavyko. Naujos kartos savo skaitlingumu sugriaudavo bet kokias struktūras. Tauta ir šeima galutinai atsiskyrė viena nuo kitos žmogaus savimonėje.
Tuo pat metu visgi jaučiama šaknų vienybė, bendra kilmė. Perdavusi politines funkcijas į aukštesnį lygį, šeima priima ir atspindi savyje viešpataujančią valstybinės santvarkos ideologiją. Pvz., despotiškoje bendruomenėje despotiškai valdoma ir šeima. Kaip taisyklė, toks kopijavimas buvo nesąmoningas. Turbūt tik krikščionybė suvokė šią priklausomybę ir sukūrė atitinkamus normatyvus. Ir valstybė, ir šeima kuriama vieningos aukščiausios valdžios principu. Tokios valdžios pavyzdys ir vienu, ir kitu atveju yra vienas: kaip Bažnyčios galva yra Kristus, taip valstybei vadovauja monarchas, o šeimai – vyras ir tėvas. Bažnyčia paklūsta Kristui, vadinasi, tauta turi klausyti monarcho, o šeima – savo galvos.
iš kitos pusės, valdžia irgi įspraudžiama į tam tikrus rėmus. Piktnaudžiavimas valdžia neleidžiamas nei valstybėje, nei šeimoje – tai, kas prieštarauja Dievo tvarkai, turi būti išgyvendinta. Ir nors dėl žmogaus silpnybių piktnaudžiavimų ir pasitaikydavo, bet tai visgi buvo laikoma išimtimi, neteisėtais veiksmais, išeinančiais už priimtinų normų rėmų. Tai suvokė tiek valdančioji pusė, tiek ir tie, kurie būdavo priversti paklusti. Tokiu būdu, nežiūrint į šio idealaus modelio pažeidimus, visuomenė turėjo stabilų teisingos šeimos struktūros archetipą, prie kurio galima buvo pritaikyti realų gyvenimą. Vadinasi, žmonės turėjo šeimos gyvenimo kokybės vertinimo kriterijų, nepriklausomą nuo šeimos narių nuomonių.
Tikėjimo silpnėjimas negalėjo nepadaryti žalos šeimos institucijai. Išoriškas religinių normų vykdymas, vidujai esant tam abejingam pagimdė atitinkamą nuopolį ir šeimoje. Tegu ir buvo priimta „nenešti šiukšlių iš namų“, bet dorovinis pagrindas buvo jau sugriautas, autoritetai nuversti. Iškilusi progreso idėja leido paskelbti, kad patriarchalinis modelis yra nebešiuolaikiškas, vadinasi, sąmonėje jau pasėtas grūdas minties, kad toks modelis bus sunaikintas. Keitėsi ne tik ekonominiai ir ūkiniai principai, bet ir šeimos, kaipo tokios struktūros principai, visų pirma – vienos vadovaujančios galvos principas. Tačiau „trobos“ sienos dar kurį laiką tebesilaikė.
Triuškinantį smūgį šeimai sudavė Prancūzijos revoliucija. Paaiškėjo, kad valstybinę santvarką galima keisti. Visuomenė gali apsieiti ir be monarcho. Respublikoniškos nuotaikos negalėjo neatsiliepti ir šeimai. Jaunesnė karta gavo ideologinį pateisinimą reikalauti nepriklausomybės nuo vyresniųjų. Pagal respublikonišką moralę, vaikai turi teisę tvarkyti savo gyvenimą be vyresniųjų palaiminimo, nesiskaitydami su jų valia. Tai tiesioginė rinkiminių teisių lygybės, nepaisančios kartų, pasekmė.
Respublikoniškoje moralėje įtvirtintas ir egzistavimas tokio dokumento kaip vedybinis kontraktas. Rinkimai – tai sandėris tarp visuomenės ir jos delegatų (neatsitiktinai visuomenė vis grasina atimti valdžią iš delegatų, nepateisinusių į juos įdėtų lūkesčių). Šie sutartiniai santykiai (verteiviškumo atmosfera) prieštarauja valdžios esmei, valdžia juk skirta užtikrinti teisingumą, nežiūrint į asmenis. Iki šiol, įtarus valdžią kokiais nors sandėriais, mes kaltiname ją korupcija, kas ganėtinai paradoksalu – juk rinkimai, kurių pagalba mes gauname šiuolaikinius vadovus, turi tą pačią sandėrio esmę.
Sandėrio esmė perkeliama ir į šeimą. Šeima nustoja būti vieninga, o tampa kažkuo panašaus į bendrą įmonę. Vyras su žmona čia yra kontraktą sudariusios pusės, jų bendras gyvenimas tarsi baldais apstatytas visokiausiais susitarimais ir sąlygomis. Teisės ir pareigos, užfiksuotos ant popieriaus, dvelkia formalizmu ir trukdo elementariausiems jausmams. Galiausiai, kontrakto pažeidimas turi užtraukti sankcijas. Jeigu partneriai nesusidirbo kartu, įmonė subyra. Kontraktinis šeimos modelis neišvengiamai kvepia skyrybomis. Skyrybos čia ne tik galimos, jos iš pat pradžių prognozuojamos sudarant kontraktą.
Skyrybų legalizavimo pavyzdį galima panaudoti atsekant, kaip žodžiai kertasi su realybe, tiksliau – kaip pataikavimas savo silpnybėms būna pagrindžiamas morališkai. Žmona, kenčianti žiaurią vyro valdžią, abejingi vienas kitam žmonės, priversti kęsti buvimą šalia vienas kito, vis labiau viens kito nekenčiant, žūstantis šviesus jausmas, pasmerktas mirčiai – tokie vaizdeliai, daugybę kartų minimi literatūroje, mene, turi suformuoti sunkaus nesėkmingos šeimos jungo įvaizdį, o skyrybos tada pavaizduojamos jau kaip išsilaisvinimas ir teisingumo atstatymas. Žmogus išsilaisvina ir ima rašyti gyvenimo knygą nuo švaraus lapo – telydi jį sėkme.
Išties galima nesėkminga santuoka. Nesėkmingas gali būti visas gyvenimas. Bet kaip bėgimas nuo gyvenimo nusižudant yra silpnumo triumfas, taip ir bėgimas nuo santuokos per skyrybas yra silpnybių triumfas. Problemos šeimoje nebūna atsitiktinės, jų šaknys slypi mūsų pačių charakteriuose. Jeigu suvokti šeimą kaip aukščiausią atsakomybės pasireiškimą, kažkokių problemų galima ir išvengti, tereikia tik padirbėti su savimi, peržiūrėti santykius ir panašiai.
Galimybė išsiskirti leidžia žmogui atsikratyti atsakomybės. Visko, kas iš tikrųjų formuoja bendrą gyvenimą – buities, būtinybės būti kartu, kasdieninio verbalinio ir neverbalinio bendravimo – viso to galima nepaisyti. Dėmesys kreipiamas tik į lovą – seksualinį suderinamumą. Tačiau seksualiniai norai – absoliučiai nestabilūs, jie gali persijungti nuo vieno objekto prie kito. Ir tada, jeigu šeimos daugiau niekas neberiša, ji subyra kaip kortų namelis, ir vakarykščiai meilužiai jau neapkenčia vienas kito.
tačiau šeima, tai ne vien jis ir ji. Šeima daugiapakopė. Apatinė, bazinė pakopa – tėvai, viršutinė – vaikai.
Klasikinė šei9mos struktūra remiasi tuo, kad tėvai ir vaikai gyvena vienuose namuose. Tai leidžia panaudoti vyresnės kartos buitinę patirtį ir darbinius įgūdžius. Beje, panaudojamos ne tik senųjų žinios, bet ir jų darbas. Nebegalėdami užsidirbti pragyvenimui, jie visgi dar gali daug ką nuveikti. Ir šis kasdieninis kruopštus rūpinimasis namais ir namiškiais leidžia jiems jaustis reikalingais, naudingais visuomenės nariais.
Iš kitos pusės, jaunoji karta, išlaikydami senuosius materialiai, turi patovią rūpinimosi silpnesniais praktiką, kas neabejotinai duoda moralinę, psichologinę naudą. Pagarba vyresniesiems – tai ne mandagus atlaidumas, o gyvas rūpinimasis ir nuolankumas tėviškam autoritetui.
Visuomenės liberalizacija sugriovė šią struktūrą. Kaip griaunamasis kūjis pasitarnavo pensijos atsiradimas.
Pensijos ideologija atrodo ganėtinai graži. Visuomenė tarsi ir suvokia, kad ji sudaryta ne šiaip iš individų, o iš žmonių, turinčių kūną ir kraują, vadinasi – pavaldžių laikui. Jeigu žmogus buvo socialiai naudingas jėgų žydėjime, visuomenė nenusisuka nuo jo kaip nuo sunešioto daikti, o rūpinasi, suteikdama lėšų pragyvenimui.
Šiuolaikinėje visuomenėje socialinis naudingumas nebeaktualus, kiekvienas visuomenės narys bus daugiau ar mažiau aprūpintas senatvėje. Tiems, kurių jų aprūpinimo lygis nepatenkintas, egzistuoja kaupiamosios pensijos. Kiekvienas gali mėginti sutaupyti sau senatvei pinigų, o valstybė dažnai tampa tokių santaupų garantu.
tokiu būdu pensininkas įgyja pakankamai aukšto laipsnio ekonominę nepriklausomybę. Jis nepriklauso nuo savo vaikų, o vaikai, iš kitos pusės, jaučia atsakomybės sumažėjimą – pensininkas gali pats išgyventi, būdamas už šeimos ribų, juo nereikia ypatingai rūpintis. Žmonėms sudėtingiau sugyventi drauge, kai atsiranda galimybė štai taip paprastai išsiskirti. Atvėsta meilės jausmai.
kitas liberalų karo prieš šeimą taikinys – vaikai. Gimstamumą reikia planuoti – tokia šiuolaikinė nuostata. Čia vėlgi labiai išmoningai parinkti ideologiniai pasiteisinimai – kad vaiką mylėtų, jis turi būti laukiamas. Juo turi džiaugtis, be to, šeima turi būti pakankamai stipri ekonomine prasme, kad jam netektų skursti.
Dalis tiesos šiose nuostatose, aišku, yra. O pagrindinis melas yra tas, kad vaiko atsiradimui ruošiantis pernelyg kruopščiai, jo galima paprasčiausiai nespėti sulaukti, o mažos būtybės įsebrovimas į šeimą savaime gali sukelti ir džiaugsmą, ir meilės pliūpsnį, ekonominės problemos tokiais atvejais paprasčiausiai neberūpi.
Gimstamumo planavimo idėja turi dar vieną svarbų aspektą. Statydama užtvaras dar negimusiai kartai, ji anaiptol neriboja biologinio elgesio, kuris turėtų baigtis naujo žmogaus atsiradimu. Susilaikyti ir slopinti lytinį potraukį kenksminga – toks šiuolaikinės medicinos kredo. Iš čia išauga ištisa kompromiso tarp libido ir gimstamumo planavimo kultūra. Kūdikis nustoja būti meilės vaisiumi ir pavirsta apskaičiuojamu produktu (iš čia – dirbtinio apvaisinimo technologija ir kitos panašios naujovės). Meilės aktas nebeveda link gimimo akto, saldus artumas su mylimuoju ir gimdymo kančia jau nebėra tokie neišvengiami kaip anksčiau. Meilė atribojama nuo vaikų. Ir, kaip paaiškėja, būtent vaikai darė ją prasminga. Be naujos gyvybės užmezgimo, meilė ir seksas pavirsta absoliučiais sinonimais, jausmas dingsta, lieka fiziologiniai santykiai. Cinizmas galutinai sunaikina bet kokią romantiką.
Ir tai – vėlgi smūgis į vaikystę. Suvokus, kad meilė – tai visų pirma seksualinis pasitenkinimas, sunku atsisakyti tokio malonaus laiko leidimo vardan sunkumų, kurie lydi šeimos papilnėjimą. Seksualinė liberalizacija galiausiai baigiasi gimstamumo sumažėjimu ar net išnykimu.
Tačiau liberalai atakuoja ir tuos vaikus, kuriems visgi pasisekė gimti. Individualumą paskelbę savo pagrindine vertybe, jie gavo galimybę morališkai pagrįsti grubų kišimąsi į kiekvienos šeimos gyvenimą. Motyvacijos sistema čia tokia: vaikas – irgi asmenybė ir individualybė. Kaip asmenybė, jis turi savo teises, kurios gali būti pažeistos. Teisių pažeidėjais gali tapti ne tik pašaliniai žmonės, bet (arba – visų pirma) ir jo tėvai, kadangi jie turi tam daugiausia galimybių. Vadinasi, visuomenė turi sukurti mechanizmus, ginančius vaiką nuo jo paties tėvų.
Vėlgi tai skamba ganėtinai pagrįstai. Išties, jeigu vaikui šeimoje blogai, jeigu tėvai neskiria jam dėmesio, nesirūpina, vadinasi, turi kažkaip įsikišti visuomenė. Kaip?
Yra tėvystės ir motinystės teisių atėmimo mechanizmas – teismo keliu. Vaikas ištraukiamas iš šeimos. Gerai, jeigu atsiranda, kas jį įvaikina, o jeigu ne? Prieglaudoje irgi nesaldus gyvenimėlis, visų pirma – tai dvasinė, psichologinė trauma visam gyvenimui. Vaiko sąmonėje tėvas ir motina užima ypatingą padėtį. Netekties šioje srityje kompensuoti niekaip neįmanoma.
Šeima vaikui negali būti išorine aplinka, kaip ir kūdikiui motinos įsčios negali būti išorine aplinka. Motina ir vaikas iki gimimo yra organiškai vieningi, taip pat ir po gimimo vaikas neatskiriamas nuo tėvų, bent jau jo neįmanoma atskirti be traumos. Tik laikui bėgant ši priklausomybė mažėja, vaikas nutolsta.
šiuolaikinis visuomenės modelis su pasitenkinimu deklaruoja visišką tsiskyrimą, tuo pat nutraukydamas ryšius tarp kartų. Giminystės ryšiai tampa kažkuo antriniu, lyginant su pilietiniais ryšiais. Visuomenė siekia matyti žmones kaip formaliai lygius atomus, bet kokia neformali struktūrizacija liberalus baugina. Tam tikra prasme visuomenė šiais laikais kariauja prieš šeimą. Todėl taip stengiamasi paimti savo kontrolėn vaikus ir, atitinkamai, apriboti tėvų įtaką.
namų auklėjimas nėra sveikintinas reiškinys. Ir esmė čia ne tame, kad vaikas gali neįgyti būtinų šiai dienai įgūdžių ar žinių – dauguma žinių, grūdamų vaikams į galvas mokyklose lieka nereikalingos ir nepanaudotos. Esmė slypi socialiniuose stereotipuose, skiepijamuose kartu su žiniomis. Vaiką moko suvokti pasaulį pagal tam tikrą modelį, nurodo jam, kokius tikslus jis turi sau kelti, kaip žvelgti į socialinių institucijų veiklą. Trumpiau tariant, ugdomas lojalumas, jei nepasakyti stipriau – paklusnumas.
Visuomenė, valstybė, civilizacija – galima šį subjektą vadinti įvairiai – pretenduoja tapti absoliučiu autoritetu, kiti autoritetai (visų pirma religija ir tėvai) turi būti sumenkinti ir kontroliuojami. Šia prasme labai simptomatiška amerikiečių praktika, kur bet kokie organai – teismas, policija, visuomeninės organizacijos, dievai žino kokios komisijos – labai operatyviai reaguoja į bet kokį vaiko skundą, jeigu njis susijęs su smurtu šeimoje. Smurto sąvoka maksimaliai išplėsta – tai ir seksualiniai iškrypimai, kas visiškai natūralu, ir fiziniai auklėjimo metodai (ir sprigtas gali papulti į šią kategoriją), ir įvairios prievartos formos (pavyzdžiui, tėvų noras nusivesti vaiką į bažnyčia, jei vaikas ten nenori). Virš tėvų nuolat kybo teismų grėsmė ir visuomenė daro viską, kad vaikai suvoktų tai ir aktyviai šiomis „teisėmis“ naudotųsi. Tai absoliučiai sunaikina bet kokį tėvų autoritetą, tėvai tampa niekuo. Tiesą sakant, tokios politikos tikslas – atimti iš tėvų vaikų kontrolę – nelabai ir slepiamas. Tėvų kontrolė vaizduojama kaip feodalizmo liekana, kaip anachronizmas, nesiderinantis su šiuolaikine demokratija.
Šeima labai trukdo šiuolaikinio pasaulio konstruktoriams. Jos neformalumas esmė niekaip neįsipaišo į kultūrą, ugdančią standartinį, universalų vartotoją – egoistišką, patenkintą gyvenimu, nemąstantį žmogų, kuris prie nieko neprisiriša. Todėl šeima sąmoningai puolama ir griaunama. Šeimos vietą turi užimti vyras ir moteris, kurie nutarė kažkuriam laiklui pabūti kartu. Vaikų problema čia neiškyla – juos auklėti gali bet kas. Pasipylė įvaikinimai, kur vaikus pasiima homoseksualistai. Nėra ir senosios kartos problemų. Senatvė išvis nepripažįstama. Šiuolaikinis žmogus iki pat mirties stengiasi būti jaunas. Galiausiai mes prarandame kampelį, kur mums gali būti jauku ir gera. Šeimos židinys baigia užgesti. Ateina šaltas pasaulis, kur žmogus – tai tik darbo jėgos vienetas, visuomeninių struktųrų ląstelė…
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